


It doesn't mean anything

by Mirha



Category: Football RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/M, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 20:19:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15714378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirha/pseuds/Mirha
Summary: Luka would never meet his soulmate, he knew it since his childhood. He was fine with it. Or at least, he pretended to be…





	It doesn't mean anything

Luka’s soulmate died during the war.

At the time, he didn’t really care. He already had too much to grieve for anyway, just like he was too young to completely understand the meaning of the mark resting on his shoulder. When it faded to grey, he just shrugged it off and coped the only way he knew, by practicing football.

The looks of pity he got didn’t bother him either. As a refugee, he was used to it. What’s more, he had no time to waste with it. Not when he needed to train harder than anyone else to prove that despite being shy and small, as coaches so often blamed him, he could still do great things on a field.

However, this changed when he started playing for bigger clubs. Celebrity was seen as a great way to find your soulmate. You just had to put your mark on display, and boom, it was all over the news, making it easier to find your promised one. So Luka started hiding his fading mark under bandages. He didn’t want the whole world to know he was doomed to never find his other half.

That simple thought still stung, so he didn’t want to have a thousand articles written about it. Also, he wanted to be judged on his football, and his football alone. Of course, that didn’t stop journalists from making hypotheses about his reluctance to show his soulmate mark to the world.

For some, he was acting out of shyness, while others deemed him too full of himself to ask for help in the search of his soulmate. Once more, he decided not to listen nor to care about their opinions and to go on with his life.

Things got better once he met Vanja. She was kind and understanding and everything he could have hoped for. With her by his side, the burden of his mark felt less heavy.

Of course, she had a soulmate and it wasn’t Luka. The colors of her mark still shone brightly on her skin, yet, she was just as uncomfortable with it as Luka was with his own.

She’d told him the story, once. How she had met her soulmate a few years before meeting him and how it didn’t work out, at all. It was rare, but not unheard of. Sometimes, fate itself made mistakes.

With her, Luka could be himself without worrying about the secret of his mark. They started dating, then got married and from this moment, the whole world believed she was his soulmate and the rumors ended. It didn’t bother him, on the contrary. Sometimes, he even wished it was true.

It was nice when journalists stopped questioning him about this sensitive matter. With time, he even stopped looking at his faded mark when he bandaged it. He had a supportive wife and wonderful kids so he didn’t see the point of mourning a life that would never be.

 

Among his team mates, his mark was a subject everyone knew to avoid, may it be with with his club or when he played for his national team. He was thankful to see his friends respecting his private life to such an extent. No one shot weird glances at him when he went to the shower with his arm still bandaged, no one raised up the subject of soulmates when he was around to make sure he wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. Sometimes, he wondered what he had done to be lucky enough to have such great friends.

Of course, it didn’t leave him free of any insecurities. He still remembered the day Šime and Dejan realized they were soulmates, the first time they changed together in the locker room while playing for Croatia. He still remembered the awe in their eyes, the tears of joy streaming down their faces, their happy laughter. Luka was glad for them and wished them the best, but deep down, it hurt to know he would never experience anything like this.

Playing with his national team also meant playing with Ivan. From the very first time they met, somethings had just clicked between them. They understood each other pretty well, and Luka found it surprisingly easier to overcome his shyness when Ivan was around.

Their friendship grew strong, stronger than their rivalry. Luka laughed when journalists expected them to become sworn enemies just because he played for Real Madrid and Ivan for FC Barcelona. On the contrary, Luka was glad to have him as his opponent. Ivan forced him to keep working hard, to always get better, to surpass his limits every time they played against each other.

After each game, it was always the same. Ivan would come to him, take off his jersey, then hand it to Luka. The cocky words on his lips never changed.

“You played well, Luka. Now, here’s your beloved shirt.”

As always, it was just innocent banter, with Ivan reminding him again and again that he had once expressed his admiration for Barcelona, back when he had no idea fate would lead him to Real Madrid.

It quickly became a habit. Luka would answer with a smile and return the teasing as best as he could. He accepted the jersey every time, though. It was almost ridiculous, to be honest. By now, he had an entire shelf at home filled with FC Barcelona jerseys, with the name Rakitic printed on the back of each one. Maybe keeping them all was silly, but he couldn’t find the strength in himself to discard them. They were gifts from a dear friend, after all.

He just got home after a clasico, a new jersey in his hand, when his mark began to itch. Luka froze in his track and he gripped at his shoulder. The feeling was almost unbearable. Luka fought the urge to scratch his skin hard enough to draw blood as his eyes grew wet with tears.

He knew it could happen at some point. After a while, faded marks would start to peel off, just like skin did after recovering from a bad sunburn. But Luka’s soulmate died so long ago he thought it would never happen to him. All of a sudden, the pain he had tried to ignore for so many years overwhelmed him. He would never meet his soulmate. A piece of him would always be missing, no matter what he did.

Luka only realized he was still holding Ivan’s jersey after he buried his face in it to muffle his sobs. The fabric felt soft under his fingers and for some reason he couldn’t fathom, his friend’s smell soothed him. The ache in his shoulder slowly reduced until he stopped wanting to rip his own skin off. His chest was still heaving hard, but he wiped his tears off quickly. Vanja and the children weren’t home at the moment, and he didn’t want his family to see him in such a miserable state.

He quickly made up his mind and decided to act as though nothing happened. Luka wasn’t going to let this ruin his life, not after all the struggles he overcame to get where he was.

Just like he promised himself to never look again at his disappearing mark, not even while changing his bandages. He didn’t need another pathetic breakdown.

 

Wearing his country jersey always made Luka proud. When he was fighting for Croatia, he put all his personal problems aside just so he could give it his best. Today was no different. It was only a friendly game, but he had fought his way through it with all his strength to bring the victory to Croatia. He came back to the locker room exhausted but content, the thrill of success still burning in his chest. His team mates shared jokes happily, but Luka decided it was safer to head for the showers when he spotted Domagoj with a couple of beers in his hands. This screamed of mischief and Luka didn’t want to be caught in the middle of some prank.

Ivan grabbed a bottle of shampoo and headed the same way as him. Despite their victory, he was frowning and his jaw was clenched. Luka’s heart twisted at the sight. He decided he had to do something about it, as the captain of the team, but also as his friend.

“Something’s the matter, Ivan? You don’t look well. Did you hurt yourself during the game?”

Ivan looked lost, as if he was just waking up from a nightmare, but he quickly shook his head.

“No, don’t worry. I’m fine.”

Luka didn’t buy that, not when he could see the way Ivan’s knuckles tensed enough to turn white as he talked.

“Listen, whatever is happening, we can talk about it. I don’t know what you’re sheltering yourself from, but…”

“Why are you always covering your soulmark?”

Ivan’s tone was harsh, almost aggressive. This was as unexpected as the question itself. To Luka, it felt like a punch to the guts. He instinctively put his hand over the hidden patch of skin, as if to hide it better.

“It… It is none of your business, Ivan.”

Luka didn’t mean to be rude, but his voice came out sharp as a knife. When it came to his mark, it didn’t take much for him to get all defensive. Obviously, it wasn’t the good way to react, because Ivan’s eyes turned dark and for a second, Luka was almost scared of him.

“Really? Who’s the one sheltering himself, then? We’ve been friends for years, I thought you would trust me enough by then, but I guess I was wrong.”

“Ivan, what is this about? I don’t understand you. Let’s not throw a tantrum because of this.”

“Wow, so I’m throwing a tantrum? What am I to you, a reckless child? I’m not asking for much, just for you to show me what’s under this…”

Ivan reached for his arm and Luka shrieked when his fingers closed around the bandages covering his mark with the clear intention of ripping them off. He couldn’t believe his friend would betray his trust in such a way, invade his privacy without a thought for his feelings. However, Ivan seemed to realize it too because he stopped at the last second, his hand resting over the bandages.

“Fuck… I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have tried to do this… Please forgive me, Luka.”

He took a step back and Luka started breathing again. They stayed silent, facing each other, for an awkwardly long time. Ivan’s eyes were full of regret while Luka was still shaking slightly.

“Please, Lukita, say something. I didn’t want to hurt you, I swear. I would never… You mean too much to me. Please…”

Before Ivan could break into sobs, Luka ran into his friend’s arms. What had just happened, it wasn’t them. Maybe Ivan was just worried with a soulmark matter and hoped to find some support in him. This wasn’t worth fighting over.

“Don’t worry, Ivan, it’s alright. It’s just… What’s under those bandages, it’s not even worth mentioning. Trust me, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean anything, really.”

Luka wished he believed in his own words. Anyway, for now, this was all the strength he could gather. Maybe one day, he would be confident to tell Ivan the whole story, but not today.

However, he didn’t expect Ivan to push him away, nor to see tears running free on his cheeks. Luka had never seen him so defeated before. A bitter laugh escaped his friend’s lips but soon turned into a painful sob.

“It doesn’t fucking mean anything! Yeah, I suppose I should have guessed sooner.”

“Ivan, you’re frightening me. Please, tell me what’s happening to you. Why are you speaking of soulmates all of a sudden?”

“Don’t. I’m not doing this, I can’t. Just leave me alone.”

Luka wanted to protest, but he didn’t get the chance. Ivan stormed out of the locker room, all thoughts of taking a shower forgotten. Luka tried to run after him, but in vain. No matter what he did, his friend managed to avoid him until it was time to take the plane to go back to their respective clubs.

 

His fight with Ivan left a painful hole in Luka’s chest. Not only that, but his mark started to burn him where his team mate had touched it. The itch was nothing compared to this. It felt as if someone had spilled molten iron on his skin. Ignoring it just wasn’t a possibility anymore.

Somehow, he managed to get home after his plane landed, even though his memory of it was blurry. He rushed to the kitchen sink, ripped off his shirt and his bandages, then covered his shoulder in ice cold water. Still, he kept his eyes closed, not wanting to witness the cruel sight of his markless skin. He let out a cry of pain when it didn’t do much to help.

“Oh no, Luka!”

He barely recognized Vanja’s voice through the pain. She rushed towards him then hugged him tightly, worry in her eyes. However, she calmed down when she noticed the pain was coming from his shoulder. Gently, she ran her hand through his hair in a soothing way.

“Don’t worry, I already know for your mark, I noticed it a few days ago. To be honest, I hoped you would come to talk to me about it.”

“What for?” Luka groaned. “Just so I could cry about how my mark is disappearing? I know I’ll never meet my soulmate, I accepted it 25 years ago.”

“For the love of god, Luka, please tell me you looked at it these last few days!”

“Of course I didn’t. I don’t see the point in hurting myself more than I already am.”

Vanja sighed, but she cupped his face in her hand gently, wiping out his tears.

“Just take a look at it, honey. For your own good.”

Luka couldn’t find it in himself to deny her, not when she was being so kind to him. He turned his head, his heart in his throat, before looking at his shoulder. A gasp of surprise escaped him when he discovered that his shoulder wasn’t bare as he had expected. There was no faded mark on his skin, either. Instead, a bright soulmark adorned his arm. The number seven, checkered in red and white.

“It… It can’t be. My soulmate’s dead.”

“I know, Luka. I didn’t believe it could happen either, not until I made some researches about it when I saw your mark changing.”

Vanja smiled, before explaining to him how in some rare cases, your soulmate could change if you became close enough to someone compatible with you. Luka listened with bewildered eyes, all the while grimacing because of the pain, even though it was getting more tolerable. 

“Vanja… Your mark… Did it change?”

Deep down, he already knew the answer, but he had to be sure. He lived with Vanja, she was the mother of his children, so maybe fate would be kind enough to…

“No, but I’m still glad you asked. Anyway, let’s be real. We both know who your soulmate is.”

“Ivan.”

The name left his lips in a whisper and the moment he pronounced it, Luka suddenly understood his friend’s strange behavior, his sudden questions about soulmarks, and…

And Luka had told him a few hours ago that his mark didn’t mean anything to him.

“I’m just a fool, I rejected him without even realizing we were… that he was my… At least it explains why my mark is hurting so much right now.”

And Ivan was the rejected one, which meant his own mark certainly hurt ten times more. Breaking the bond uniting soulmates was extremely painful, everyone knew this. Vanja had also shared everything with him about her own experience. Luka felt sick to his stomach. The mere idea of being responsible for putting Ivan through so much pain… Now he hated himself.

“What should I do, Vanja? I’m not supposed to have a soulmate, I…”

“Go to him.”

“But… But what about you? I don’t want to hurt you either.”

“It’s alright, don’t worry. As long as you keep a place for me and our kids in your heart, I’m fine with it. Ivan is your soulmate, love. Don’t give up on him, not even for me.”

“You’re the best, Vanja. I don’t deserve you.” Luka let out, hugging her tightly, tears in his eyes.

“Of course, you do, don’t say stupid things. Now hurry, I’ll take care of the kids while you’re gone.”

 

Luka didn’t waste a single minute. It was already dark when he took his car and he knew that driving all the way to Barcelona in his state wasn’t the best idea in the world, but he couldn’t wait any longer. He needed to see Ivan, to tell him he was sorry, that their bond did mean something to him.

Each minute separating him from Ivan was pure torture. His arm tingled and itched and burned while his mind was a mix of fear, eagerness and excitement. He had a soulmate. Even better, Ivan was his soulmate. He only needed to clear the misunderstanding and then…

He sobered up when he arrived in front of Ivan’s flat. The lights were still on, the proof that his friend wasn’t able to sleep. Luka parked his car as quickly as he could before rushing to the front door and ringing the bell. He waited for a few seconds, but no answer came. He repeated his action, only to be rewarded with silence once more.

Ivan was at home, sure, but he didn’t want to see anyone, it seemed.

Luka couldn’t give up so easily. Not when he had the power to soothe his friend’s pain. He looked up, all the way to the balcony above him. The idea that crossed his mind was ridiculous and looked like it was taken straight out to a Romeo and Juliet comedy, but to hell with it. If this was what it took him to reach Ivan, then so be it.

He started climbing clumsily, thanking his years of football training for his strong muscles. The effort took him all his strength and he was out of breath when he reached the balcony. Getting on the other side was going to be another story, or at least he thought so before someone caught his hand. He looked up and his eyes met Ivan’s.

His friend looked miserable, with his eyes red and puffy from crying. He helped Luka up, but with no enthusiasm. Before Luka could get enough air back in to talk, he snapped at him.

“I don’t know why the hell you’re here, but you’d better leave this instant. I don’t want to see you.”

“Ivan, listen…”

“No, leave me alone! I don’t want to hear empty excuses. All this doesn’t mean anything, remember?”

“I drove here all the way from Madrid, Ivan. Do you really think I would have done it if you didn’t mean anything to me?”

“Well, maybe you should have thought about that before.”

“I didn’t think I had a soulmate.”

“Yeah, rig- Wait, what?”

“You heard me well. My mark faded when I was a kid, so I assumed my soulmate was dead, that I would never meet that special someone. That’s why I covered my arm, to avoid drama in the newspaper, but also so I wouldn’t be reminded of it everyday. I’ve stopped looking at it years ago. When my skin started itching, I thought the mark was disappearing and I didn’t want to look at that either. That’s why I said it didn’t mean anything. But now… Now I know the truth. Your mark must have changed as well, right?”

Ivan nodded shyly, before uncovering his own shoulder. He still looked suspicious and Luka could tell it would take him some time to regain his trust. Ivan’s mark looked strikingly similar to his own, except it was a ten engraved on his shoulder. Luka’s number.

He didn’t even think before kissing the mark softly. Ivan flinched at first, but he soon relaxed into the touch. Luka could feel the pain in his own shoulder decreasing until it turned into a gentle thrum.

“You really had no idea?”

“Not a clue. I’m lucky Vanja actually told me. I didn’t understand why you were suddenly acting so weird. And my soulmark has always been a sensitive matter to me, so…”

“And I thought that you didn’t want me. I tried to get closer to you during training, to touch you more than usual, so that you’d know that I was okay with this, with us. I started wondering if you weren’t covering your mark so I wouldn’t see it. I tried to understand why you didn’t want me...”

“It’s alright, I’m here now, Ivan. I love you and I’m not going anywhere.”

Luka wrapped his arm around him, not protesting when Ivan buried his face in his neck and started crying quietly. He ran his fingers through his hair tenderly, trying his best to bring peace to Ivan. To his soulmate. In his hurry to protect him from suffering any longer, he was only now grasping the true meaning of these words. Ivan was his soulmate.

“I’m so glad it’s you, you have no idea.” He whispered.

Next thing he knew, Ivan trapped his lips in the most intense kiss he had ever experienced. Luka closed his eyes and let the other man take the lead, moaning softly under his ministrations. All he breathed was Ivan, all he tasted was Ivan, and it felt oh so right.

“Well, I guess Šime and Dejan won’t be able to brag anymore about how they’re the only soulmate couple in the team, now.” Ivan laughed after they parted.

“You know them, they’ll find something else.” Luka chuckled. “I’m so sorry I made things so complicated for us. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

His voice grew soft as he leaned into Ivan. The exhaustion caused by his improvised trip was catching back on him. Ivan’s arms felt safe around him and right now, they were his favorite place in the world.

“I forgive you. I was stupid too, I should have confronted you directly instead of throwing hints around in hope you would understand.”

“That’s not true, I’m the one who panicked when you began talking about soulmates and…”

“Shh, it’s no use blaming yourself now. You look so tired, Luka, wanna join me in bed?”

Luka blinked, not knowing if this was an innocent proposition or if Ivan was actually suggesting more than sleeping. But before he could figure it out, a loud siren started roaring down the building and Ivan sighed.

“I think climbing your way up here to see me wasn’t your most clever idea.”

“You wouldn’t let me in! I didn’t really have a choice.”

“Maybe, but I think the neighbors just called the cops on you.”

Luka groaned while Ivan showed no compassion for him, too busy laughing at the situation they were in.

“You won’t be this happy if this story ends up on the news.” The smaller one protested.

“I admit, explaining this won’t be easy. But finally being with you will be worth all the struggles, no matter what happens. Not to mention that even if journalists start talking about it, it will make a pretty love story, you climbing up my balcony to declare your undying love to me.”

“Shut up, this is embarrassing!”

“Yeah, love you too, Lukita.”


End file.
